Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
