If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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