We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
