I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
how drunk are you?
Several
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
