Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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