Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
