Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
All the doctor said was why
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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