Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
