Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
