i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
tell your sister to shave her snatch
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
