Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
