he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
