I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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