So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Also, beer. Big fan.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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