im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
