she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
