Umm I'm too high to move.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
