I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
