Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
