I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
