i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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