remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
