And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
