I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
