She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
