I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
