do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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