I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
