I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
