I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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