Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
