We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
