you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
