i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
