omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
