Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
