he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
