I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
