apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
