im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
