he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
