Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
