I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
