I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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