I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Even my vagina gasped.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
