is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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