Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
