i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Randomize
