**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
