his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
