4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
